after been so long, im come back home a place where i can speak what i want.

A short brief about the passed 10 month:
finding internship placement, interview, confirmation placement,compiled the dissertation, submit it than final sem examination, after all kind shit and i would like to say :Finally i graduated with honorable pass mention!!!!! Not a big deal, but i am so relief, no more project,presentation and exam. I completed my 4 years life with happiness, tears and fun with all my buddies..NOW another journey are for me to explore, challenge.

Present, i working as a restaurant assistant manager, a place where i had my training and because i dun wanna wasted my time do nothing i start this career right after my training. I don't request anything cos i was here to help up. but now i was dimotivated and felt so disappointed with this company. i don't understand how can this happen to me??

- Charles R. Swindoll-

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

一個人的臉上有太多的笑 ，是因為心裏有太多的痛， 因為傷了 ，所以偽裝

總有一些人，她們看上去整天都很開心，嘻嘻哈哈的，沒有煩惱，像個小孩，她們會說玩是我最大的樂趣，我很喜歡玩，我什麼都會玩.人多的時候她們臉上總掛著笑容，好多人都會羡慕她們，然而這其實是她們最悲哀的地方，她們不想讓別人看到自己難過的一面，更沒有能力一個人獨處，因為當夜深人靜的時候，她不知道一個人會發生什麼事，坐在窗前冥想走過的點滴

沒有人讀的懂她們，想著想著貌似快樂的她們就會黯然流下一臉的悲傷，然後自己對自己說：其實也沒什麼，命運吧！所以她們就整天逼自己笑，以此來逃避那些常人所不能不承受的痛苦！

她們貌似很堅強，因為在別人看來，她們什麼事都能微笑著去面對，但事實上他們長著世界上最脆弱的心靈，只是長期的偽裝使得別人很難發現她們內心深處的創傷。 她們其實非常孤獨，雖然看到她們時都是在跟一群人談天說地，那是因為她們實在不能承受一個人時的折磨！

她們只想簡簡單單、快快樂樂的活著，期待並且相信每個人給的笑容都是真心的，希望身邊的人都是真正的喜歡自己。即使別人小小的意見，也會另他們難過好久，她們真的真的很介意，介意自己不被人喜歡。因為，她們總是為別人想的很多，對別人總是比對自己好；把能對喜歡的人好當做幸福，喜歡別人比喜歡自己多。

他們總是那樣，前一秒還傷心的流著淚，後一秒出現在朋友面前的時候，已經滿臉溢著燦爛的笑容。有人說她們是向日葵，是的，她們在意的人就像是太陽，在面對太陽的時候永遠是明豔的花瓣，而太陽照不到的背面，那悲傷藏得那麼好，不願被看見。

她們嚮往放縱自由的生活，卻必須為了誰很努力的朝另外的一個方向活著，很累很累，卻仍是心甘情願。離自己的夢境越來越來遠，不得不面對從未想過的爭奪和複雜，恐慌、不知所措。只有面對最信賴的人時，才會卸下盔甲，委屈的流下眼淚。因為在她們心裏，笑就是開心，哭就是難過，接近就是喜歡，遠離就是討厭。但其實不是，他們明白了，心好傷，眼淚就沒忍住。哭過之後，笑笑得擦幹眼淚，說，沒關係，我可以做的很好的。

她們好像無所不能，好像總是不會有煩惱，好像什麼問題都能輕而易舉的解決，總是喜歡喜歡出現在流淚的人面前，笑嘻嘻的逗著笑。而面對自己的問題，他們卻茫然無措，面對自己的悲傷，她們只會躲在人們看不見的角落裏慢慢由傷口越裂越大。

她們的想法非常簡單，說出來的就是心裏所想的，肚子裏不會拐七道八道的小彎，無心的話可能會引起別人的誤解。所以，請別記恨她們，她們從不願傷害誰，小小的錯誤就能讓她們懊悔很久。

她們其實非常單純，甚至你曾經給了她一個微笑他也會一輩子記得你的好，因此她們的世界觀其實也很簡單，她們很容易受蠱惑 ，請不要輕易的傷害她們的感情，因為一旦傷害了，那就將永遠彌補不回來！ 如果你身邊有這種人請你給予她（他）那怕是鳳毛麟角的那點關懷，讓她（他）知道這個世界沒有拋棄她們

Sunny twin vs Reddish twin

the D

first day training of b, i alone at home doing my D after helping d submitted the ptptn form. I dunno how long more i need to finish up but no matter how i m free nest Tuesday onwards. Im not focus on my D obviously..facebooking, blogging, email, here and there..haiz..student life..

training will increase your temper level, im sure you will showing me your face, temper after everyday you come back from work..somehow i had 2 times experience..hee

Do u still believe me...

Are you loosing faith on me?? Scare me run away from u??? You scare what you gave end up with nothing???

承诺

承诺真的可以维持一辈子吗？ 它真的没期限吗？ 等待又是哪门子的事？ 承诺等待它的期限又多长？

When i was alone..

if you ask me why LOVE became like this?? I really got no idea of it,maybe as what you mention it had transformed couple love to family love, our love it just happen like that. We..i get use to it already. Now, is the time that we use to see thing clearly, do not covered by the LOVE and i believed you realized that me not that good actually and i dunno why i feel that you always demand something when i not really free to... Perhaps you just need me that time but sometime i really feel so annoying and frustrated then next i will show my face to you and the lift up my tone..im so sorry and really hope you can bear with me but if you cant then just forget it..you can chose what you wanna do..

I believe all the problem is come from my side, perhaps i losing my faith on myself. I dunno what i can do and to do..am i able to keep our relationship forever..i got no answer for my question. Maybe im over putting faith on myself since the first day, im not that strong eventually..sorry i knew i been hurting you since dunno when..but i really trying my best to maintain but it seems like just useless..i stressing out to give the best i could to you, i wish i can do everything you want for you, i just want you to happy but most of the time i really cant afford to do so..you have your problem to cover from your parents neither me..can you stand on my side and think for me..

u and me

Question of my life..

Thing doesn’t goes the way i want it to be, what can I do and explain? I got no word to explain and I dun wan to explain. Inside my deep heart I really hope can just me go on this issue, let me responsible for what I had chose. I know I’m selfish never think about you but I really hope I can make decision on it, it’s my life, I’m the one who gonna face, stay with it. Why can’t just let me choose. As you said you not going to accompany for my life time, maybe I’m really only think of myself but what I want it just make my life happier. Is that wrong? Then I really don’t know what else I can do.

If thing really happen like that, I can’t imagine what is your parents expression? Angry? Hate? O they will accept? Am I thinking too much? Ya, I’m. You don’t even try to say something that can at least comfort me, everything is just I don’t know. Don’t know am I thinking too much, I felt you like kind of happy tone when I told you what had happen to me last night. Am I asking too much, or I shouldn’t asking too much from you……I know I’m gonna face it myself, without no one. Just me alone. Yes, I think I able to do it, and I must do it, no one for me. When I need you so desperately but you seems like far away from me..

GOD why you have to create this world, and why don’t YOU make everyone have the same right to get what they one? Why people have to suffer for this? Yes I’m blaming YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You so not fair to everyone!!!!!!!!!!!! You will only accept they normal, which You had set since long long time ago YOU created this world…NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Letter For U

if i ask you leave with me, will you?

ilrene

my wish

Dunno whether i am too bored till nothing to do, suddenly i
feel like writing diary. Half of watching movie, i went off
to clean my stuff i throw a lot of things including my
sticker collection book which i think most people had
experienced before. I kept it so long and i ever think of
throwing it yet now they in the dustbin already. Am i
thinking of way to change myself as well?? But by throwing
things it can delete those old old time memories, sometime i
really feel that certain things that we wish to change
eventually not easy that can be delete nor change. That's
what we call reality of life, it always happen like that.

I had read a article last night which was talking a famous
hair dresser from Singapore named- Aaron Lim. How he
scarified for the true love but end up what he had did was
just end up end with nothing,he even gone through the
hardest time 5 hours in his life to just make him become
better and perfect, he went for operation. Within the 9
years,he married to the guys as "her" husband; from friend
to family, he share his life with his husband,love,
happiness but everything it just lose in front of drugs. But
he never regret, as he said never looked back the past, lets
looks forward. For the pass we keep it and call as MEMORIES.

I am jealous and envy. When that moment can come to my life,
i hope i can hold your hand in front people, kiss you in
front of people but but these all i only can get it in my
dream at night. What i want just a normal mind set, normal
heart from you to accept that. To me it will be my best
present ever. I cant find a way to fit myself into a normal
relationship as you wish.

Every time i went back to muar, i feel so lost in somewhere.
I don't know what i can do here, sometime by looking at you
and daddy i feel i am so fed up and don't wish to stay at
house. I Wanna leave, leave the place!!

永恒的承诺

my holiday

Spending half of my holidays at KL, but people getting lesser n lesser..i getting bored n bored..

Going back hometown tomorrow, nothing to do oso..argh...how come my holiday can be so boring???

Gemini

GEMINI - The Chatterbox

Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Likes change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent, but is only changeable. Beautiful physically and mentally.

To NiNi

my fault that dint take good care of 'U', dint close the cage properly cause 'U" catch cold and 'U' sick and now..'U' leaving us..

Petrosains Day Trip..

Im trying to carry the SIGN back home^^











My GREAT GREAT granpa^^


















Not a comfortable place:(




















the Most...^^

Happy Birthday^^

This was the 2nd birthday that we celebrated together. Think back last, you and me and the whole big gang we celebrate your birthday at ALAMANDA's Kenny Rogers and end with full smelly body at our hostel there, it was fun i think:)

This year,nothing much i did for you, get you a present box which original idea should have 18 present inside but end up i miscount. THAT's only 15...and to make you happy i gave you your present early then your actual date. Really hope you like it..

On that day, i bring you and ours friend to dinner. Then i planned to give you a CITRUS TWIST sorbet as your birthday cake since you cant consume MILK PRODUCT^^ But end up your aunties buy you the 'cake'..haiz...

After the short and fast dinner we shot of to SKY BAR..with 2times mistaken road finally we reached there around 10+..Get our seat and drinks definitely...we leave there around 1am in the morning, then few friend said wanna supper.

At ALIF, place we had our breakfast and supper i guess. But you already in your sweet dream, and i dun wanna wake you up because i knew you was so tired. Then i decided to pull down the seat and roll down the window and let you continue your sweet dream...

Baby, all the BEST in your coming exam..and forgive me during your exam i am not around.

如何

如何令你满足？如何令你开心？

如何拥有用不尽的钱？

我还是以前大花茼?

如何如何？？？

无奈

为何事情终不能如人所愿？？

the very 1st^^

Soon we gonna celebrate the very 1st year anniversary. We had been go through the difficulty's moment in our journey and yet we still together till this moment. I learn not to give any promises easily unless i am sure i can do it for you 100% but i did enjoy the time that we spent together and not to deny that we did have argument sometime but i glad we managed to over come it, i hope you agree with me. Anyway, i would like to thank you, accompany me during my tough time in my life, thanks BABY.


t's not easy that everyone can celebrate it with the one you love. Let's appreciate and cheers the one you love in life.

Ipoh trip

i went to Ipoh last weekend, it was an amazing trip. thanks to baby and her family bring me around.

The journey to Ipoh is really killed me due to such uncomfortable seat (but everything have to experience at least once) , and the noisy couple keep on talking since the 1st step in the train i guess. sigh..and we really miss the train thank to our friend who eventually bought a ticket for express (i shouldn't say express) train to Langkawi whereby the train just drop by Ipoh. Its really freak me out, can you imagine that the train have to slow down the train one station before the actual station it just because the train a way toooooo long. Big sigh...end up we reached Ipoh around 12am in the morning where we depart at 8pm...After we leave the Ipoh train terminal we heading to the Low Wong to have our supper :)

Saturday morning we went out for breakfast at one of the kopitiam at Old town, its really open up my eyes never ever think of nowadays this kind of kopitiam still that popular in Ipoh. We ate roti bakar, drink coffee(ohh lala it taste good,loving it), char kuey teow, zhu cheong fun. And i saw a kids ordered a cup of coffee and 2 ice cube on the side, i was curious and thought ain't kids should ordered a cup of milo??? :) After our breakfast we went to the wet market to get baby's signature dish ingredient--calms. Then Jusco, bought a lot of stuff there because that's was a party during the Saturday night. After jusco we went back home sweet home, get ourselves changed then baby and start working out for the party preparation. Cutting vegetables, meat and washing washing.

Around 3 we went out for hi tea, we went to eat mua zi in front of a house. Its nice soft and warm. Then we went to "zha liao" at "da shu xia", dun play play lo the business was very amaze people graphing like no one business. Then, i had my 1st Ipoh hair cut with condition of waited for an hour:P

After hair cut, we straight go home because we are kind of rushing out of time yet our preparation haven done yet. Reached home, we changed and start cook again. Finally the party start and meal been serve. We decide to makan before take bath but when i went and i realise i dun really know one of them; i found myself kind of bored there and dun know what can i do there. And of cos kind of emo there:P but everything were ok and fine and i did enjoy myself at last:) Not too bad..me and baby finished up all the kerang (erh..but i think lin eat the most le) And one thing is i realized that they dun really enjoy our dish dun know why?? For me it taste good..maybe they dun get use to it kua..After the guest leave we start clean then go bed...

The next( let me recall dun really remember what i did that morning) ah..yup we went to fu shan. That's was full and peak. but we managed to get a table very fast. we eat and eat;talk and talk there, people wait and wait around our table..wakaka..after that we went to get some souvenir and pomelo and i was thinking how am i gonna carry all those stuff by train??? but who knows the next minute, papa said send us back..wakaka..yipee..we went home pack our stuff and rest awhile we depart and heading back to KL..

life..

useless..

1st semester break began, as usual i back to my hometown again..but today slightly different because i tumpang bb's car back here..hehe..car sweet car..the journey seen to be very smooth tot we will jam for no reason but it just too fast ye early..:(

thinking of whether should i drop the competition or not?? My brain getting empty and empty, no idea, no motivation and i think the most important thing i lost the HEART ad.. without the HEART i loosing everything..i guess..i know my friend are always supporting me, encourage me and also U, i know but i just kind of..no confidence because i know myself so well i afraid i will be too nervous till i cant perform well and i dun wanna disappointed u guys..i think i will always be the one who stand around my friends and support them that's what i do..i would like to try but i really cant perform it..

i would like to say sorry to U, blaming u as excuse, i shouldn't do that..forgive UR useless baby, i just dun wanna take the responsibility and the stress..im so sorry..

我..

又发生了什么事? 我又惹着你了吗? 对不起, 可以告诉我吗?? 对不起.. 对不起.. 对不起.. 对不起..我越来越退步了是吗? 已经不符合标准了吧??? 对不起..让你失望了..投诉你的不是,其实我也不见得好些.....

new life..

Back to college a week time.. seems like nothing changing so much but for the first week i have to summit project ad..and also the following week..big big sigh..dunno how many times i heard about the word"DISSERTATION" till i also get confuse of certain classes..sigh..the foodservice subject seems like attract me..and so amazing that i can proceed to ADVANCE french but i really dunno whether i can survive or not..thou it just about 4months..i need to try my best cos degree is totally a challenge to everyone i guess..i must do my best and not like last time ad, cos everything is connected and dun think i got secong chance to try again..hee

Another housemate moved in yesterday, he was a nice guys i guess..hee..why i said so because dun get cheated by looking people outlooks e.. cos i got cheated by another housemate..her i totally no comment..SIGH..somehow i still happy and enjoy staying m new house thou i got such sucky housemate..i trying to ignore her anyway..wakaka..

谢谢你..

B,谢谢你陪我过了一个充实又开心的周末..还有很多很多的..至于那个嘛你知我知就好了..嘿嘿..昨晚的我超开心的,我知道 我问了个有点傻的问题但我是认真的.如果可以的话我一定会履行诺言. 谢谢你.

Malacca trip^^

In front of holiday Inn, Malacca Jetty..


Stadhuys.. A Famosa Malacca..


St.John Fort..

Beca-ing.. Jonker Street..


In the room..

PS: I just realized i always stand on the same side ^^

对不起 B

我想这次是我们有史以来最糟的一次吧? 我知道说过的话不能收回也不能当没发生过! B,我知道我的要求有点甚至很过分但我真的须要一个令我坚持下去的动力! 但如果因为我的这个要求令人你觉得我在意别人如何看待我,甚至令你觉得我对这羞耻我无话可说但我真的希望可以有那一天不管结果是与否,至少我知道.

我知道我所说的话一定把你伤了很深,但对此我只能向你道歉我. 我愿意去补偿虽然我不知道我能为你做些 什么事但我愿意尝试. 可以给我这个机会吗?

心底话

背不知何故又痛了,心情糟透了. 你问的问题我不知如何回答? 可能我根本就不想再答,因为答案永远都是一样的. 像你说的,我真的怨你为何不能谅解我? 你是知道我的情况,最清楚的但为何你就是不能理解和谅解我. 重复一直问我同样的问题,问一些你知道没答案的问题. 有时候的我真的感到烦.

何尝我不是,我也想可一早点回去但不到我控制啊? 你要我原谅你但你呢? 你真的以为我是神仙 还是圣人? 我真的不介意吗? 但我知道我不能改变它! 我选择沉默但不代表我能接受!! 你现在承受的我何尝没承受过呢? 分别在于时间长短.

我承受的压力远远多于你能想到的. 我要的是你的谅解. 你常责怪我把所有的事情藏在心里,都不告诉你. 我能吗? 告诉你只会把你弄得不开心,责怪自己那又何苦? 你的孩子气让我又爱又恨. 每次你都说会改但我知道没那么容易, 人的本性真的有那么容易改吗? 我想就不会有本性难移了...

你知道吗? 我剩不多的时间,12个月而已我还能等多久???

摊开来商量真的有效吗? 你告诉我...

u..

now u should doing the mise en place? or maybe u finish ad..anyway good luck to u b..

erh..this is the 2nd time that i dint attend ur service class rite? hee..the 1st time i still dunno u ma..u had invited ur frens come rite? This time i really sorry i cant make it..sorry e..

all the best ya..good luck^^

muakxx..muakxx..

BB

這輩子誰會與你相伴一生 - - 對手???

對手。或許你會奇怪，與你相伴一生的人怎麼會是競爭對手呢？與這樣的人不是你死就是我活才對！的確，你的競爭者總會與你進行你爭我奪的戰爭，但他同時也促 使你成長，見證你的輝煌與失敗。你成功時他在，失敗時他也在，沒有人會比你的競爭者更能陪你走過人生的起起落落！珍惜你的競爭對手吧，他是你的敵人，也是 你的貴人！

self defined= ZERO

the result show how ZERO actually i know about u...i know u nothing!!! If u ask me why i bother so much i dunno, maybe i care about u and i always think that i am but actually i am not!!! I should get higher. But it all just myself think that.


Sorry e..maybe to you its just a quiz that to get fun but to me it really meant. I mind seriously!!! no matter its pass or not i still mind because it should not happen to me. BECAUSE i am different from other!!! I should down grade myself. I dun deserve it....

Argh....

双子心声

有很多的朋友，可是'看起来朋友很多，可是知心的没有几个'这句话很深刻的形容了双子。双子很能说话，他跟别人可以天南地北的聊，可以聊得很八卦，也会聊 一些很严肃的话题。双子可以跟你聊很多东西，可是注意了，他都只是跟你聊一些不关自己的事。随便他跟你说些什么，可是跟自己有关的都只是些皮毛而已。比 如，今天又有某个明星怎样怎样了；隔壁班有多少美女帅哥的。关于自己的事，他几乎是不说的，就算是说，也是说一些关于自己无关痛痒的事。当你想更进一步的 了解双子，他会很自然的把话题给扯开。 对于自信的双子来说，他又同时很没有安全感，这是双子特有的矛盾。他喜欢把自己重重包围住，不让自己暴露。对于双子来说，如果在一个还不了解的人面前把自 己暴露了，就等于让别人抓住了自己的把柄。这样就失去了一定的优势。

当双子感到独孤悲伤时，只会一个人躲在房间里哭，或者一个人郁闷着。 双子也很怕被伤害，很多时候宁愿自己承受一切，也不愿别人抓住自己的把柄。所以久而久之也就养成了习惯。 双子基本上也是个很痛苦的人。表面上总是很有活力，很快乐的样子，可是没人的时候他又总是很忧伤。双子总会被一种莫名的悲伤笼罩。但他不会让别人发现的， 他怕被伤害，也怕被别人抛弃，只能自己硬挺着一切。所以双子很神经质，精神脆弱，容易人格分裂，因为承受了太多的东西. 一般来说双子的孩子都很早熟。双子对很多的东西都在乎得要命，可是表面上就是看起来什么都不在乎。双子并不是故意要掩饰自己，上面说了，这只是一种习惯 了，可是在外人看来他就成了虚伪的人。

双子是被公认的最花心、最冷酷无情的星座。其实对于双子的花心，真的不想再说些什么了。解释得太多，累了，也没耐心了。可是说起双子，就不得不提感情，双 子这一生，似乎必须被感情牵伴，跟爱情纠缠一世。很多人说双子并不花心，只是博爱，所以才会有那么好的人缘。忘了在哪里看见了这样的一句话：双子最大的悲 哀在于有两个人的思想，却只有一个人的身体，双子有爱自己所爱的人的权利，也有保护彼此所爱的人的义务，双子只剩下一个时，爱也就只剩下义务了。 我想用如来若去说的一句话给双子的花心做个总结：花心的极端就是痴心的可怕。该懂的人应该会懂的。至于冷酷无情真的不知道该从何说起。

其实双子是最平和的 星座，如果可以不发生冲突，都会尽量避免。双子也很少跟别人吵架，他讨厌吵架，如果是因为一些生活琐碎小事吵架，那么双子就在吵完的那一刻就把这件事给忘 了； 要双子真的跟你翻脸，除非是你的所作所为或所说的话实在让双子不能忍受，这时他会很鄙视得看你一眼，然后头也不回地走掉，甚至会不给你留面子地离开。这时 你一辈子也别想再和他和好了，就算有的双子碍于面子和你再成为朋友，但是他们已经对你鄙视到了极点，只不过维持着这一层不得不维持的'朋友'关系其实。

很 大一部分双子，对待感情是非常专一的，之所以给人留下花心的美名，是因为很少有人能够让略带童心的双子动真感情，不是双子铁石心肠，而是双子个性里面天生 有一些忧郁，一些潜在的不自信，只是双子隐藏的深入，可是一旦让双子动了真感情，那么恭喜你了，双子的天真，率直，外加表达能力丰富，一定能让你获得很多 快乐。

每个双子都有一个故事隐藏在心里，多数是不堪回首的往事，双子是个念旧或者说是喜欢沉浸在回忆中的星座，他（她）的这个故事通常都是因情所困，动了感情而 被伤害了的双子是脆弱的，也是坚强的，他（她）可以很快的振作起来，可以当什么事都没有发生，这些都是双子演给世人看的罢了，等到夜深人静的时候，双子内 心的伤痛随着血液渗透到全身，他（她）可以一整夜的去回忆之前的点点滴滴，可以一整夜的沉浸在痛苦之中，可以一整夜坐在那里发呆，但是，一旦天亮了，要出 去见人了，双子马上就从痛苦中抽身而走，你看到的肯定是一个神采奕奕的双子，这就是双子，拥有双重性格的双子，一个在世人面前乐天，快乐，在孤独夜晚独自 伤悲的双子。 双子的爱是最永恒的，可以付出一切，有人说我们花心，那时我们没有真正的爱，当双子爱上一个人的时候是痛苦的，因为我们太敏感。假如双子爱上了一个不爱自 己的人，那莫我相信他永远都不会再爱了，当爱给过了一个人，他再也没有能力再付出了，其实太多的人都不懂我们，其实连我们自己都不懂自己，我们很会伪装， 很会说谎，但我们最细腻，对感情最敏感，双子的爱与悲伤，谁又真的了解！

a word..

i appreciated what i have now, without him i dun think i can had such luxury life since i was young till now even. I don't need to worry my daily life, education and all other things that i always wish to have. All of my wish and wants will always been fulfill. None of it be rejected!

All these was her sacrificed, i know and understand that she is not happy for the pass 18 years till now. But because of me, she willing to just to ensure my life. I dunno what i can do, but i know what i doing now not the right way that i should do. Because of her i had what i have now, do what i like.

to u..

i promise what i said always is the truth,please do believe me..i know sometime that's a lot of things happen in between us but i do believe we manage to solve and face together..

Result.

i pass without any excited feeling, kind of curious and i REALLY curious why it happen!! and i felt that situation was kind of annoying and i feel like to leave the place asap...

And i dunno what i can for them, especially who sit right in front of me..im so sorry ji, but i hope you wont give up easily!! try again!

im back

after a long long MIA..finally i been called and i come back here again..

Really busy recently..final exam and soon it gonna finish..Hope i can achieve it..

A day to KLCC-Aquaria^^

Ahem.. a day to KLCC aquaria, had fun there and taking photo..but half way the bat flat..so as you can see there's 2 quality of photo..ahah..but no too bad...a lot more activities to come..^^

pain..

Dunno how to describe myself when i heard that, painful? sad? ya.. i think all mix up together ad..but the most is i felt so sorry to you..when i saw your crying face my heart was bleeding,i know the most i can do is accompany during this time, and i do whatever i can to comfort you baby but it seems like i dint did a good job. I hope my baby really can come over, others things to me doesn't really matter and i din bother. What i wants is you baby..happily enjoying your life dun think about the past think about your future, just treat it a learning experience, you learn more compare to others, learn to live in different situation.

Luv u baby..

baby

the reality of working place is what you see now, one day you may realize what baby see now actually not the worst..so baby what you can do just go ahead and find your own way to define your job and enjoy it then you will find out actually not that hard oso..somehow you still have face it though you dun like it at all...

baby take good care of yourself...

sorry...

sorry im not that fulfill ur need and im not that perfect actually...i tot u need someone to listen to you but actually im wrong..i do understand how tired, how frus you are..sometimes i just mumble only..dont mean to complan..and now i knw what should i and i shouldn't...sorry baby..

^^

suffered for diarrhea...sigh

:(

when i alone i feel lonely yet when im not alone i still feel alone...

im

im here not to scare you, im here to accompany you...

im here not to slow down you, im here to accompany you...

im here to listen to you, im here to concern about you..

im here to accompany you, not to disturb, interrupt or change your life...

im here just to accompany you, no others things...

me to u..

We cannot beg someone to stay if they want to leave and be with someone else.

We have to admit that love doesn’t give us the license to own a person.

This is what love means……sacrifice.

Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to.

Though that doesn’t mean that we’ve stopped loving them or we’ve stopped to care.

Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you.

Some people say the worst way to miss someone is when they are right next to you and you know you can’t have them, but it’s worse when you thought you didn’t want them anymore and then all of a sudden you realize you can’t live without them.

Deep in my heart, I’m suffering, knowing that I’ve lost you.

On the outside, I’m living, pretending that I’ve forgotten you.

A failing love is like desperately hanging on to something precious; not wanting to give up, but your hands feel the pain.

And, when you finally let go, you’re free from any pain, but your hands are empty.

How can I promise you forever when tomorrow is so far away from me?

How can I stop my tears when I have a bleeding heart inside of me?

How can I ever forget you when your name is etched so deep within me?

They say no matter how dark the night is, the sun always rises again …

I say lost love makes one realize that no matter how bright the day is, the sun will always set again.

A heart breaking isn’t always as loud as a bomb exploding..

Sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling..

And the most painful thing is, no one really hears it, except you..

Who do you run to when the only person who can make you stop crying, is exactly the one who is making you cry?

pls..

i dunno what should i do to make urself more confident and trust urself! Baby, to me u are the perfect one!! U juz have to trust urself be more confidence u are the best for me dun doubt about it..believe me..nothing gonna change my mind as long as u believe me and u urself had such big impact to me..I NEED U with me..

...

心痛...让你受苦了...对不起

me again..alone..

here again, doing my stupid TIS i got a lot of info but dunno how to compile or should i say i no mood to do..cant concentrate at all...

slept last nite around 1am woke up 3something y? bcoz im HOT!!! hehe..looking at you wow..you dead sleep and your posture abit funny..den i took a F1 magazine to flip through,play some game i decided to SLEEP but i cant..lying at your side playing your finger, hair..den i woke up and sit opposite you and looking at..wow..your posture again kind of seduce me..wakaka..

finally.i think i sleep at 4 something..but den i awake at 7 by the alarm..argh...but i got a very good compensation..wakakaka...

and now i alone again(dunno till wat time) with my laptop in my lonely room..hmmm... and somemore wit the STUPID tis!!!!!!!!!!!

^^

Finally, you back to here!!! You entered my house without telling me. Opps..i so surprise because i tot you hevent reach here but who know you ad here and unpack everything ad.But who know you ad enter my house even room and come to me give me the '' xi niu'' and hug me??( Do you?) wakaka..i cant remember that :p The first sight i saw was like oh..im so happy seriously but i dunno wat to do. Should i give you a hug or what? I was stone there. Den i finally got some action telling you nah thats your makeup stuff( stupid rite) i shouldn't open my welcome speech in that way..such a waste!! After that i stand up and pause my movie, and i come to you..xoxo..hehe.. hen we pack some stuff and move our ass to your house..wakaka..again there continue our story..wakaka^^

I luv U baby...

miss u so much^^

It's like century for me to wait till you come back..and now only i realise that i ad use to it..spent my time with you..without you i felt so lonely and when i was alone at home i felt the room is very big and empty but actually the room is very small only..try to sleep i cant, watching movie not concentrate oso..keep on checking had you reply my msg? OMG,what happen to me ?? i tot i should use to be alone without anyone should be fine..but who know im not anymore!! Now..again i thinking of you le..baby fai fai come back la, i relly miss u so much!!!

OMG!!!

how stupid am i till i really believe that what U said..but when heard it i really get shock..hope i was there with U at least..i so guilty and angry myself how can let U alone in that kind of situation?! OH MY GOD.. i shouldn't let it happen!!! I am a stupid and useless partner!! Argh..

And All the stupid quiz that i answer..SIGH...

Marley & Me

A must watch movie, really touching and i love it so much!! I cry not through out the movie but at the last part of the movie where Marley is old and sick and waititng it's time. When i watching this movie i was thinking of my dog which quite old actually 4 years old..i can't imagine when the scene in the movie its comes to me..what's my reaction?! Marley axactly like my dog, naughty, hyper and like to chew things.

I love my Dog..

p/s don't jelouse o :p

weekend activities^^

freaking stupid act!!!!

Dun show me freaking stupid act in front of me!!!!! Dun think u can be who u wanna be,u not qualify enough to be!!! Dun show me your stupid act to me, im not your team and your follower!!! Stupid!!!!!!!!

Dun come to me if you dint get everything clear and full understanding!!! If not i swear on my life i gonna give u nicely!!!!!!! I dun care who u are!!!!!!!

Dun try to challenge me!!!!!!!

Stupid!!!!!!

weekend activities^^

Once in a life, i cooked my dinner at home.. taste not bad lo..to me la..

你能分清楚爱和喜欢吗？

喜歡和愛咫尺千里。

當你喜歡一個人時,你想和他在一起,因為他會帶給你快樂；

離開後,你會想念,想著想著就會笑,然後繼續你平靜的生活,並期待著與他再一次重逢。

當你愛一個人時,你想和他在一起,那是一種牽腸掛肚的捨不得,怕他受委屈,怕他不能好好照顧自己

離開後,你也會想念,想著想著歎一口氣,不知他現在過的怎樣?

然後你繼續你平靜的生活,希望他早日回到你身邊。

你喜歡的人在你眼中是天使,無所不能,他總會滿足你的任性的要求。

你愛的人在你眼中是孩子,傻傻的,你不期望他做出什麼'好事'來,只一味縱容他那些讓人哭笑不得的舉動

你會希望你喜歡的人陪著你,然而你心中想的可能是你愛的人

你會希望陪在你愛的人身邊,看他在你面前睡得如此安逸甜美毫不設防的樣子,你會微笑,會覺得好幸福。

你喜歡的人傷害了你,你會生氣,並且一定要讓他哄著騙著逗你笑你才原諒他；

你愛的人傷害了你,你只會獨自傷心,因為你怕對他大吼大叫會嚇著他,你憂傷地微笑著,看著他的眼睛

一旦發現他的眼裡流露出歉意和悔恨,你會立即心疼地摟他在懷裡,那一刻,你也是幸福的

你可以同時喜歡很多人,你會希望和很多人在一起

但也許很多年後你才發現,原來你愛的就只有那麼一個

就那麼一個,怎麼都不會變,你以為把他忘記了,其實只是忙的沒空想起而已

對於你喜歡的人,你關注的是他的優點

對於你愛的人,你關注的是他的缺點,並且,那些缺點如果無關原則的話,它們在你眼裡是可愛的,獨一無二的

喜歡和愛其實只有一紙之隔,任何愛都從喜歡開始,當有天你突然發現,你喜歡的那個人在你眼中不再完美

而他的瑕疵正如月中的桂影一般讓你更加依依不捨,你會覺得與他光彩照人的一面相比

你更願意看他在你面前無助的表情,不知道是不是應該祝賀你,總之,你的感情昇華了

仰慕不是愛,甚至不是喜歡,當你對一個人只有仰慕之情時,你們在一起便失去了和諧

有人說愛一個人很累,的確是,因為你想為他承擔,可是愛與喜歡相比最大的魅力就在於，

當你和愛的人在一起時,你的感覺就像回家了

performance?!

Time flies, another 3months plus is my final and seems everything still at the same level doesn't show any hopes of it! Is the time for me to fight again but anyhow...it doesn't goes how it should be..
I hate myself most of the time..why i cant..

Hows my performance recently? Hope it got some improvement in between, i trying my best baby. i dun want to disappointing you again and AGAIN..can you feel it or see..i really trying my best..although i dunno how deep i love you if you ask me but i know how deep you love..thanks baby..

Love you baby^^

same..

i just want the same thing from you like your friend..nothing else..

Valentine..

Je t'aime beaucoup^^

14 of the month

the first 14 Feb i celebrate with you,erm..dunno what i can prepare and i was totally dunno what should i do...some of frens ask me how and what i gonna do, my answer was I DUNNO!! hee^^

I know you are waiting something from me although when i ask what you want,your answer was never mind la..as long as you at my side..but bee..

CNY

A special date i celebrated without you at my side, i been covered by lonely. A glass of whisky + coke doesn't make different!!! And i dun really like the taste but at least im doing something!! Do you know that people drinking either for celebration or sadness, am not celebration though is CNY but yes IM..im the one always think, think and think!!! Sometime i was far away from the reality then simply think will take part in my mind. You are the one have to suffer and accept all my temper!! As people said dun allow yourself have too much free time cos you dunno what will happen!!!

Bee bee dunno whether u feel secure when u with me?? Am i doing the best for you?? Am i a good partner to be with?? AM i?? Am i?? so much am i?? Till today i still can feel the pain of my hand, am i a crazy people i hurt myself to get a minute free!!! YES, I AM..

That night, When i saw you walked back to your table,(though i was the one ask bee to let go hand) do you know i was thinking baby fed up ad? Dun bother, dun give a damn to me ad? When i decided to leave the room without informing you, and you never stop me or come to me that time i think maybe you bored with all my drama ad and bee do you know that my heart was so pain till i can feel inside my heart was asking she leave me alone? but she promised me never ever leave me...BUT when i saw you stand at the door and look at me my heart even more pain and bleeding cos i hurt someone that care me so much, i can feel that from your eyes!!! I dunno how to face bee bee so i pretend i dint saw you!! SORRY baby..sorry bee bee..

Think of your crying face, i ask myself why i have to make you cry all the time aren't i have to make you happy all the time?? That night i really dunno how to comfort you, my heart was so pain and kept on asking myself why i have to make you cry?????? bee bee drop more of your tears just because of me..not worth it!!!!

while blogging, i was texting bee bee oso..bee bee want a promise?

bee bee i dunno how long i can keep this promise but i will try my best i will never leave you sia xinyi my only one ever...till the end of my life...will never leave you alone..

thinker??

i always think something that i shouldn't think about it!!! But even i knew that i still doing all the time!!! I am afraid what i think it will happen, i REALLY afraid it gonna happen one day!!!!

am i rite?

i dunno whether should i continue or shouldn't continue what im doing rite now?! No idea at all!! But im really happy with what i have now!! If one day, something happen and i have to let go you please believe me that's not what i want!! I did because of others and im so sorry to said I hurt you and break my promise..so sorry bee..but you will be the only one stay inside my deep heart forever. To make sure both side dint get hurt, i rather im the ONLY one to get hurt..i know u will said such a selfish people only think about myself and leave you alone..

Im sure i will lost control one day, cos i really cant take it ad..i need more space for me to breath...

....

Hopeless...

this coming new year to me it doesn't bring any happiness towards me, it only bring me suffering!! Nothing for me to celebrate and happy cos im not HAPPY at all..received a call from dad ,the same thing happen again! I really tired of it ad, nothing much i can do ad what i can do is on myself. I felt so unsatisfied and dunno i felt anger as well?! I know my way to release will let you worry me but i really dunno what i can do except that!! Luckily you was there just now, if not i dunno what i will do to myself cos i really think knife, something that can make me feel pain cos i think it can make me feel more better!!! I never think of these kind of things maybe i know nothing i can do to solve the problem since i step out the first step!!! It never turn back what i can do is continue my way till the end!!! NO way for me to regret!!!!!! NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!

My life now become more dark and dark, down and down but i really hope you always beside me hug me, pamper me, hold my hand, accompany when i was sad and when i NEED you..

I need your hug now if can..but i know i not suppose to ask so much cos you have your own problem have to solve it out..and i shouldn't make you worry about me..you had enough of it ad..I know when i was suffering myself you too, but really so sorry i had make u worry..sorry bee bee..

Go back to a place that i feel scared, not happy is it my only choice of it?? i think yes, if i can let go my family then there will be different..but...

y IT have to come back to me again..i just starting to change myself..fight for everything but again do i have keep on going or i should give up...

i deserve for it?????

leadership

leadership? Leading a group of people to complete ahcieve a goal and mission. What is the different between a leader who get fully support from group member and a leader who get a lot of shit from the group member?? With a group of helpful, supportive member as a leader i can complete my mission and achieve what ever i want!!! But on the other hand is different, sometime i really dun know should i use my "power' as a leader to control the member?? We are adult and i do believe we all have and can think maturely NOT like a small child, we not playing sand or what every single things you did might influence the end result!! Aren't you think of it?? Im afraid you are NOT!!!

yes for IT

no matter how and what happen i will always stand for you and be there for you bee..as i promised bee bee early..btw..as i said oso i wont tell you by myself if there is something happen to me cos i dun wan see your sad face!!! And please remembered bee had promised me that night as well, please do what i said and please accompany till the end though it will be very cruel to you but i HOPE bee is the ONE accompany me till the end of my life NOT other!!!! Maybe i dunno what is going on around me but i REALLY hope that BEE is the only ONE...

< Aku bukan untukmu>

-Aku bukan untukmu- dunno why i just feel that it always match my mood,when i was sad and it show how i feel that moment!! The last time i listen to this song is when i was driving with a speed 180/km. That time i just felt suddenly why my life have to be like that, i am so lonely!!!

I looked at your photo which on my laptop, i really scared what you said..i scared it become true and i dunno what i can do for you!!! Seriously..i really dunno what i can do!!! I keep asking myself how how how!!! I really cant lost you maybe you will think i cheating but at least when i wrote this i really scared i will lost you!! I dunno whether i can afford to lost you or not???

Maybe you think i am not serious when you talking to me, but i can tell you every single word you said i really listen!!! When you cry i really feel the pain but i know i cant cry together with you even show it!! I dun want you to worry!! I know i always make you worry especially when i was thinking something and quite that time!! Such an useless people right?? Always said this but end up i doing other things..i know!!!

I dunno whether does my comfort help you or not?! But i really meant that when i said it..no matter how you became, what happen to you i will always be with you as long as you dun leave me. IF you really willing to leave me alone, i will wait till the day you wanna see me!!!! And i believe you wont break your promise to leave me alone..never ever!!! I give you sometime till you ready!!!

Today,3.36am i again think of this song and i switch on my phone's player..dunno how many times it repeat and repeat..i still cant calm down, no matter how!!! It seems doesn't work today!!! Another 4hours i gotta wake up and get ready myself for new week yet i am not ready for it...

......

question without answer

Is it a good planing equal to a good future??

When we plan do we follow exactly what we plan?

Is it every problem got their own solution??

Merci Beaucoup^^

THANKS BEE BEE..for being my commis last night!! You have done your BEST..seriously!!! BEE BEE really help me and accompany me for the whole class..thanks BEE BEE..muakxx muakxx..

Look at BEE BEE face, i really feel so blessed you know why? Cos i got BEE BEE to accompany me just like yao..wakaka..kind of miss use the class..spent time with my beloved BEE BEE..hee..^^

But no matter how, can you please promise me to take good care of yourself a?? Dun simply cut here and there lo..sum tong de lo..

Luv u BEE BEE...

more..more..more

Another 14th for me, maybe to someone that's nothing special but to me it really bring a lots to me and my beloved bee^^really feel touch after i had read your blog, i doesn't know that i had bring you such a formidable time and impact in your life! I know you don't wanna leave me alone and let me feel i am alone but i still prefer you to leave me cos i want you to choose, to get the best, and i am trying to give you a best choice cos i dun wan you to regret! Me? Just let it be no much different cos i know between u and me there's a connection ad..no matter how or where! We are not far to each other!!!

Dun make your decision because me, go ahead grab and achieve what you want the most but definitely i feel so blessed and touch because it show how you care, concern about me and how important of me in your heart. Really blessed!!! Thanks for your wiliness to accompany me for my final and EVERYTHING..thanks bee bee^^

No matter, how often i said ' i love you' please believe me inside my deep heart you are the only one i LOVE..and dun worry about how often i smile or i moody, quiet alone all the time because i also dunno what i want if you ask me. I know sometime i did make you worry about me but i really dunno what should i said and tell you..SERIOUSLY..you i would never let go easily..once i hold your hand..

when a GIRL...

When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you she is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest .. she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered.

When a GIRL says ' I love you ' .. she means it.

When a GIRL says ' I miss you ' .... no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person ....

college life..

4th day after college reopen,i back to college AGAIN..what so different of this term? If you ask me,erm...i getting closer to college? getting busy of this term? final coming soon? I DUNNO!!! But i know im going back to certain step like previous..no one gonna know what im thinking wat i want!!! I will hide myself infront of you guys! NOT need to ask cos i wont tell,no different either i tell or not!!! NOTHING is perfect!!! my main concern is as long as all my fren get what they WANT,they WISH..me NOTHING!!!

2009??

A new year began, any new resolution? So sad to say yes but it will nv come true I KNOW!! Is impossile im my life and it gonna be a difficult way for me to continue..NEVER and EVER..i dunno how far i can go and how far i can achieved??I can be what you want me to be and do..i will do what ever you want as long as you happy!! My feeling i WONT care anymore and BOTHER and it doesnt important anyway to anyone..i back to what im 1year ago..ONLY tat i think you will happy and think im respecting YOU!!! MYSELF nothing..YOU gave me the life YOU have the right to do and request anything from me as YOU like..cos YOU are YOU...

Promise

Everything keep changing every single second

People said changing is to get better

But sometimes changing can make things worst
Please BELIEVE
No matter how it changed
How worst it became
The ONLY things i would not allow it to change
Is LOVE
between
U n Me
^^

apologize

I felt so guilty to u when u need me around im not there for u...

and it seems like im breaking my promise..

never leave u alone..

:(

because of "U"

I never thought before i can be so blessed although U and me just started recently, not accepted by someone but i believe we will make it happen. Right?

I know sometime i was so stupid but i really care about U. And i really mind how U look at me, will U compare me with Ur ex, seriously i mind and i knew i shouldn't but i still doing it till today.

I really enjoy and appreciate every single moment that we spent together, U make my life full with happiness that i dint experience before. U make my life more meaningful. Previously, friends and family Now, U already step in my life. And i was enjoying the changes in my life. And i hope it can last long till the end..

I dunno what else i can say, but i will prove it to U. Please believe that, i will never leave U alone dear.

U are the only one i wanna be with in my life.

U are the only one..

I love U dear..

let me fall then i will learn

In my life i had went through a lot of things even more then the actual age i was now..sometimes i was thinking why my life have to be so complicated why cant it just be simple as others people??? And i hate myself, why i have to think so much why cant just let it be like it wanna be?? Because of simply think end up i will make things worst!! As usual...

Im no longer small child!!! I believe i can handle and make ant decision of myself. Worst to comes to worst it just will be a lesson for me, let me learn from the lesson! Simple and easy!!! Who will never fall or do wrong things in his/her entire life??? Once in a life time..just let me go through myself..

When i was trying to use others way to face and handle any decision or what so ever,people will said im not serious and im playful people!! Do i really look like this??? Some even thinks am i a person to trust?? Let time do the trick..

happy..

Finally i got i wanna get,wish to get...

i can spend more time with my koala bear..

let me go

Again i starting my super duper damn boring holiday at my hometown..Actually i got few mission to complete de..one of my mission is to request a car from my father but i dunno how to open my mouth and ask?? i really need a car for my next term..

And i wish i can move out from subang, cos dunno since when i felt so unfamiliar, strange to the house!! Even i really scared of go back there again..i just feel like run away from there..really..i had try few times talk to my mum i wanna move out but she said nobody gonna take care of me!!! To me i believe i can take good care myself without anyone..i wont die of hunger or wat!! Im no longer a small child need people to take good care of me!! And i think i stay there i feel totally be control by someone cos i must report wherever i go, whatever i do!! I dun wan such life..

And due to some reason i need more privacy space and more time to spend outside..

resposiblility

Im here for nothing just accompany you as longer as i can..do what ever i can and you want..

14 November

Nothing much i wanna say, just wanna tell you i really appreciate and thanks what you had did for the pass and i hope for the future as well..

And maybe what i said before make you sad but dun worry la it wont happen except as what i had said before is your own decision and you are the one who decide that what gonna happen in future..

Thanks dear..

joyeux anniversaire^^

The 1st birthday we celebrate together with a big group of people. Happy birthday Dear...

Y-O-U..

By looking at you, im thinking what can i do to avoid from making you not happy..maybe you will said you doesn't mean that as what you said..but to me i really take it serious. And as i said, i want you to happy all the time! Maybe you will say i small gas and so on but i really care what you said..every single words..i really CARE about it.

Sometime i really jealouse those other people, maybe as you said that's the way for me cuz im different from other.. I always assume you mind but actually im the one who mind and im not that generouse as what i tot..till sometime i will ask myself why i so mind about it..but who's know im just bull shit-in!! I MIND!! How stupid people am i!? I mind how you define every single words that i said!!!

...