my wish

Dunno whether i am too bored till nothing to do, suddenly i
feel like writing diary. Half of watching movie, i went off
to clean my stuff i throw a lot of things including my
sticker collection book which i think most people had
experienced before. I kept it so long and i ever think of
throwing it yet now they in the dustbin already. Am i
thinking of way to change myself as well?? But by throwing
things it can delete those old old time memories, sometime i
really feel that certain things that we wish to change
eventually not easy that can be delete nor change. That's
what we call reality of life, it always happen like that.

I had read a article last night which was talking a famous
hair dresser from Singapore named- Aaron Lim. How he
scarified for the true love but end up what he had did was
just end up end with nothing,he even gone through the
hardest time 5 hours in his life to just make him become
better and perfect, he went for operation. Within the 9
years,he married to the guys as "her" husband; from friend
to family, he share his life with his husband,love,
happiness but everything it just lose in front of drugs. But
he never regret, as he said never looked back the past, lets
looks forward. For the pass we keep it and call as MEMORIES.

I am jealous and envy. When that moment can come to my life,
i hope i can hold your hand in front people, kiss you in
front of people but but these all i only can get it in my
dream at night. What i want just a normal mind set, normal
heart from you to accept that. To me it will be my best
present ever. I cant find a way to fit myself into a normal
relationship as you wish.

Every time i went back to muar, i feel so lost in somewhere.
I don't know what i can do here, sometime by looking at you
and daddy i feel i am so fed up and don't wish to stay at
house. I Wanna leave, leave the place!!